Growing Upward!

The Poetry, Practice and Prompts edition

I recently shared this piece, today I am sharing the poetry, practice, and prompts that go with it.

Me and my loves Hugo, Leif, Axel, Anja. Photo by Lily James Photography

Poetry: Growing Up

Some days I want to,
tantrum like a toddler,
some days I do. 

I want what I want,
when I want it, 
and my needs are not being met.

Swells of violent seas start to simmer,
deep in the belly of my ocean. 

I'm my inner child, 
flooded with the intensity
of a tsunami like wave, 
of emotion. 

My breath becomes rapid, 
as I struggle to tread the water. 
I trash and fight,
throwing myself to the floor. 

I want to scream and shout,
I want to stomp and pout. 

Then pause finds me, 
I wonder,
What is this really all about? 

I breathe into my body, 
trying to remember, 
allowing myself to be tender. 

I remember, 
when I was wee, 
no one told me I could feel,
the discomfort of my big emotions,
coursing through me. 

It wasn't safe for me to be a storming sea.

I didn't know it was just human to feel sad. 
That feeling angry did not make me bad.
No one told me my emotions,
were just energy wanting to move. 
When they were too big,
no one did approve.
Or acknowledge that I was just acting out,
what was in front of me.

No one shared that all feelings, 
are valid and worthy. 
No feelings deserve a time out,
sometimes you just really, 
need to let them out. 

I have had to learn and grow, 
through mothering and reparenting myself. 
To cultivate awareness of, 
these currents of emotion,
to understand the tides of my ocean. 

I started truly growing up,
nearly ten years ago,
when my first child was born. 

Now I know when my children erupt with feelings,
they are just longing to be seen,
they have needs, they are asking to be heard.

Their emotions need the space,
to move and presence to be witnessed.

Even if their feelings, 
awaken the tantrum in me,
I can witness with acceptance,
ground into safety and return to love. 

Above all safety is what we seek. 
Safe to feel,
safe to speak,
safe to be just as we are,
tantrums and all. 

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Practice: Birth, Life, Death, Rebirth Meditation

This meditation using mantra and subtle hand movements to open you to transformational energy for change. You will need twelve minutes to sit in meditation. You will repeat the Mantra “Sa, Ta, Na, Ma” touching your thumb to each finger as you say each of the primal sounds (Sa, Ta, Na, Ma = Birth, Life, Death, Rebirth.)

Begin speaking the mantra out loud to yourself with the coordinated finger movements, for two minutes, then whisper for two minutes, repeat silently in your mind for 4 minutes, whisper again for two, and finish with two minutes out loud. (I like to do this in front of my red light for a few extra health benefits.)

You can also try this version of this practice here.

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Prompts:

What is your ace score?

What does your score mean to you?

What are your personal values? What behaviors are currently in alignment with your values? What behaviors might you need to shift to move into alignment with your values?

How has stored trauma expressed its presence in your body? Physical ailments? Injuries? Emotional tendencies?

How has your childhood affected your mothering journey so far?

How have you or are you overcoming the “score” of your life experiences?

How has motherhood played a role in your awakening to heal and grow?

What are your most valued practices for promoting growth and transformation?

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